My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
