things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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