Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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