I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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