im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
