the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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