sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
