I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
