I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
as a side note pls kill me
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