When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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