they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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