I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
