I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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