So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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