Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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