I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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