And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
