Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
