DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
