Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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