someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
