I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
