No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
