Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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