Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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