Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize