I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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