I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
