So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
