I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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