i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
