i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
