I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is Oprah even human
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
