i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
