what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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