this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
