Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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