Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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