she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My bed smells like the plague
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
