is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
