Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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