I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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