Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
