He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
