Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize