obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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