fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
