she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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