I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
