I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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