Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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