It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
