I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
