dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize