i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
