New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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