In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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