I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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