hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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