I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
