i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
