i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
