member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
