When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
