i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
