I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
